The Importance of Empathy in Resolving Microaggressions
It has been less than a day since the previous post, “The Weight of Mispronunciation: Subtle Yet Substantial Harm”, dropped. It details the clear and public microaggression committed by Interim Commissioner Michelle Barnes on HardBeauty CEO and Behavioral Health Administration Advisory Council co-chair Racquel Garcia.
Please read the previous drop if you have not already in order to understand the gravity of the situation at hand. In short, Barnes stood at the podium of the Colorado opioid abatement conference to give a short update on the BHA’s philosophy on community work. Barnes undermined Racquel’s leadership by mispronouncing her name to the entire crowd as “Rochelle” before quietly correcting herself and moving on.
Well, dear readers, it seems as if the previous drop reached the attention of Barnes and her team. A source shared with JFM that Barnes sent an email to Garcia attempting to apologize for the incident only after the drop was released. Racquel updated her followers on social media the night of August 29 via an Instagram story where she tells her experience through tear-stained eyes.
I am not going anywhere. Because I do good work for the State of Colorado. I do good work for the country and I do good by People of Color and culture. And she will not bully me out of this space.
She frankly states that she is dealing with “trauma-filled bull**** from state government” and names the JFM article as the precursor for the response. She then shows her audience the message sent from Barnes’ official state account with the subject line “My Mistake”. The two-sentence apology reads:
“I apologize if I pronounced your name incorrectly. Please accept my sincere apology.
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Michelle Barnes
(Interim) Commissioner, Behavioral Health Administration”
This is the extent of the email. Racquel goes on to point out that it lacked a greeting with her name on it and that Barnes frames her actions as an “if '' rather than a definitive fact. This implies that Garcia somehow misinterpreted the disrespect or that Barnes did not say it incorrectly, which undermines Garcia’s identity and experience yet again. The lack of accountability that permeates from Barnes' email is another typical example of how those in power use insincere, quasi-apologies to absolve themselves of the guilt and criticism..
The My Mistake email was CC'd to Meghan Shelton, Director of Intergovernmental and Community Engagement and BHAAC lead at the BHA, from Barnes. JFM questions the need for adding Shelton if it was supposed to be a sincere apology from Barnes to Garcia. Was this a performative act to prove that Barnes reached out? Was Shelton’s inclusion a warning to get Garcia and the BHAAC members in line?
An insincere apology lacks genuine remorse, accountability, or a true acknowledgment of wrongdoing. It might be offered with the intention of appeasing the offended party or avoiding consequences, rather than genuinely seeking to repair the harm. It revolves around her discomfort and begs Racquel, who was harmed, to accept the apology in order to remove the guilt from Barnes’ psyche and to move on without actual accountability. Barnes’ apology lacks empathy and excludes any concrete actions to make amends or prevent future occurrences. A true apology is backed by a commitment to change.
A genuine apology acknowledges repeat harm without making it the other person’s responsibility to accept and move on. Apologizing for committing a microaggression is an important step in working toward some semblance of a functioning relationship.
How do you properly apologize? It may seem like an obvious skill, but there are proven steps to create a sincere, healing statement that shows that you truly understand and want to rectify the harm that was placed on another human.
Acknowledge Your Mistake: Recognize that you have committed a microaggression and understand the impact it might have had on the other person. Take responsibility for your words or actions.
Reflect: Before approaching the person you've offended, take some time to reflect on what happened, why it was hurtful, and how you can avoid similar situations in the future.
Choose the Right Setting: Find a private and comfortable setting to have the conversation. This allows both parties to speak openly and honestly without fear of judgment. Or a proper time to send a heartfelt message.
Sincerity: Approach the person with sincerity. Your apology should be genuine and come from a place of true remorse. Make sure your intention is to learn and grow, not just to avoid consequences.
Use "I" Statements: Frame your apology using "I" statements to take ownership of your actions. For example, "I realize that what I said was hurtful, and I want to apologize."
Be Specific: Clearly identify the microaggression and explain why it was wrong. This shows that you understand the issue and are committed to addressing it.
Express Remorse: Express genuine regret for your actions and the impact they had on the other person. Avoid making excuses or deflecting blame onto others.
Educate Yourself: Demonstrate your commitment to change by showing that you're actively learning about the concept of microaggressions, the experiences of marginalized groups, and how to be more sensitive in the future.
Ask for Forgiveness: Request forgiveness for your mistake, but understand that it's up to the offended person to decide whether or not to forgive you. Avoid pressuring them to do so.
Commit to Change: Outline the steps you plan to take to prevent similar mistakes in the future. This could involve educating yourself, engaging in self-reflection, and being more conscious of your language and behavior.
Listen: Allow the person you've offended to share their feelings and thoughts. Listen actively without interrupting or becoming defensive. Their perspective is crucial for your growth and understanding.
Follow-up: After the initial conversation, consider checking in with the person at a later time to show that you are genuinely working on your growth and change.
Change Your Behavior: The most meaningful apology is backed up by a change in behavior. Continuously challenge your biases, learn about different perspectives, and actively work on being more inclusive and respectful.
Remember, while apologizing is important, it's equally important to learn from your mistake and actively strive to avoid repeating it. A true commitment to change involves ongoing efforts to create a more inclusive and equitable environment for everyone.
Genuine apologies are cleansing for all parties involved. People of Color are rarely given the respect of an apology for any aggression, and it has been proven that the amalgamation of harm on BIPOC bodies affects people physically and psychologically. When someone apologizes for a microaggression, it validates the experiences and feelings of the Person of Color. It acknowledges that their emotions and perspectives are valid and worthy of consideration. Apologizing demonstrates respect for the person's dignity. It shows that the offender values the person of color enough to address their concerns and take responsibility for their actions. In a society that treats BIPOC cultures and humanity as undignified or lesser, it is an enormously healing step and forges allyship and empathy.
In essence, apologizing for microaggressions is a step toward fostering respect, empathy, and understanding between individuals from different racial and cultural backgrounds. It contributes to the broader goals of equality and inclusivity by recognizing and addressing the smaller, often unnoticed, acts of discrimination that can accumulate over time.
Power in Names
It's important to recognize that mispronouncing a person's name as a power play is not just about “getting it right”. It's about the intention behind the action. If someone repeatedly mispronounces a name despite being corrected, it's a sign that their motivations might be rooted in asserting dominance and control.
Black and Indigenous slaves were often given European or "Christian" names by the enslavers. This practice was intended to strip them of their cultural identities and erase their connections to their ancestral heritage. Their original names, languages, and traditions were suppressed as part of the broader effort to dehumanize and control enslaved populations. Even in everyday interactions, People of Color with names that deviate from the dominant culture may face microaggressions, such as mispronunciations, insensitive jokes, or dismissive comments. These microaggressions contribute to feelings of alienation and otherness.
It's important to acknowledge that discrimination based on names is part of a larger pattern of systemic racism and bias that has persisted throughout history. This discrimination highlights the need for greater awareness, understanding, and efforts to create inclusive environments where all individuals are treated with respect and dignity, regardless of their names or backgrounds.
The disrespect of Racquel’s name highlights the way that white-identifying professionals refuse to even attempt to pronounce it with the respect and dignity it deserves in order to perpetuate a power dynamic of BIPOC leaders being lesser than their white counterparts. Mispronunciation of a name can be used as a means of displaying superiority. The person doing it may believe that their own culture or background is superior, and they intentionally dismiss or belittle the other person's name as a result.
Another reason that this occurs is because those leaders have a strong resistance to inclusivity and diversity. It signifies a refusal to engage with individuals from different backgrounds on equal terms and may perpetuate a sense of "otherness.” People of color with "non-traditional" or ethnically distinct names have historically faced discrimination in employment and education. Studies have shown that job applicants with names perceived as "foreign" are less likely to be called for interviews compared to those with more Western-sounding names.
Barnes has had multiple interactions with Garcia, including a heated conversation where Racquel explained that Barnes had ample time to research her professional credentials and call her by the correct name. This interaction was in May of 2023, but it seems that Barnes did not take the time to correct herself by the August conference. JFM strongly recommends that Barnes get Racquel’s name out of her mouth.
Putting down a person with a wealth of respect and success in the behavioral health and recovery community by flippantly dismissing their identity and adding them as a footnote to the speech is another example of this long historical power play. This behavior creates an uneven playing field in terms of communication and interaction. The person mispronouncing the name holds the upper hand, as they are controlling the narrative and refusing to acknowledge the other person's identity on equal terms.
In contrast, Dr. Medlock made an active point to include Racquel’s name and identity as a prominent piece of behavioral health reform. Garcia and the other BHAAC co-chair Bob Dorshimer wrote messages in the BHA Strategic Plan, further exemplifying how Dr. Medlock understood the importance of the council and Racquel’s contributions.
In an Instagram post from September 2022, Dr. Medlock stood side by side with Garcia in a positive story that placed her as a trusted peer. In the photo, Garcia and Medlock have wide, warm smiles and appear to be mutually excited to be in each other’s company.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CiTajaJL1A7/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
The caption text reads: Community is the cure! Resist and insist. Grateful to be in community with @advocatesforrecoverycolorado and BHA Advisory Council member, Racquel Garcia of @hardbeautycoach at the Mobilize Recovery Across America Recovery and Remembrance event. @recovery_voices.
Garcia’s recent Instagram story ends with a statement on how the bullying will not force her out of the space that she rightfully belongs in while many others watch in fear of their paychecks being affected by Barnes’ influence.
“I am not going anywhere. Because I do good work for the State of Colorado. I do good work for the country and I do good by people of color and culture. And she will not bully me out of this space. But it is important that we know.”
As allies and advocates, it is our duty to show up for Garcia especially if you have shared space with her while harm occurred and were silent. We need to show up and amplify Garcia's message, symbolically joining her on September 21, 2023 at 9:00 am at the BHAAC’s next Zoom meeting.
JFM is in solidarity with you, Racquel.
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Have you been confronted about your racist, harmful, and oppressive behaviors? JFM encourages you to explore the concept of "processing right to comfort" to better understand its significance. In our efforts to dismantle systemic racism and foster inclusivity, uncomfortable conversations and confrontations are bound to occur. It's essential to remember that JFM’s intention is not to be adversarial but to promote growth and awareness. If you find JFM’s words hitting close to home, take the opportunity to introspect and understand the reasons behind your reactions.
Sign the Petition to Reinstate Dr. Medlock: Demand justice for Dr. Medlock signed the petition for Governor Polis to bring her back as the Commissioner of the Colorado Behavioral Health Administration (BHA).
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